Saudade 💜🍀
Hi, Hello, Friends! 🤓
My love for my husband and my love for myself deserves more than sitting in front of a screen. My grief over the loss deserves more than sitting in front of a screen.
Grief does not care why the heartbreak occurred. Divorce or death. Loss is loss.
I have to feel the loss to grieve the loss to heal from the loss.
So I got up. I went outside. I sat in wildflower patches, in clover patches. I wrote a poem by hand. I painted with wildflowers.
And then I found this four leaf clover.
It is a little tattered on one of her leaves, I relate. 😭🥹
I still go looking.
I still go looking.
Not for you, I tell myself,
just for something green,
Something real, something small.
I know what I’m really doing.
I am standing in the same light we stood in together, even for a moment.
It is the kind of light that makes the whole world go quiet.
It was the softest space we existed in together.
I hold that space.
When you would hand me tiny flowers you made in bouquets, four leaf clovers, a rock, a stem, even pine cones.
They were things you found and thought, I should have them.
The light is in the looks you gave right before you handed the thing to me.. it was the giving that was the true thing.
Those are the moments we reached on another.
Now, when I stand in the light you are no longer there.
When I sit on my porch, the chair next to me is empty.
I sit there anyway.
In my mind, I created that space for you. That’s where you are, collecting things.
Talking to the trees, the animals, telling the bees hello.
Finding clovers for someone.
In this space, you are FREE.
You are safe, you are loved, and you are happy.
I hope you find it, I hope it finds you.
A La Luna,
Lauren Danielle Koontz
I am not my past.
I am the story.
I choose to keep writing.
💌 Thank you for meeting me here, friends!
A la Luna, 🌙
Lauren 🪻🍀
I have been working on a creative little project over at [freckledlore.com]
She is a work-in-progress just like I am. I hope to meet you there. 🤓