Being Seen
Substack, Vulnerability, and Processing Hard Things
Hi, Hello, Friends! 🤓
This week was full, and I knew it would be. Even though I still journal daily, I hadn’t planned to post on my Substack this week.
What I find interesting about this kind of busyness, is how peaceful and smooth things are flowing.
Our routines are really settling in now that school is back in session
Interestingly, my substack kept showing up this week in my real life.. professional, personal, and spiritually.
The Visibility of Writing
Professionally, someone associated outside of our company stumbled upon my substack. I was not expecting this person first of all to share with me that they stumbled across my Substack. I could tell they felt a little vulnerable and nervous even telling me but ended up sharing wisdom and encouragement that I deeply treasure.
Spiritually, I found out the Lead Pastor at my church has been reading my Substack. But also, was very kind and affirming of my writing.
I don’t look at the detailed stats on here because imagining I’m “writing into the void” helps me write more freely.
In my personal life, I have shared with someone that I write here on Substack. I have given them tiny nuggets of what I write about.
However, I have not given them access to my Substack.
I believe I will share my words and my space here with them, but they are holding space until I choose.
As I was describing how all of my worlds were colliding in-real time with what I am writing on my substack… they asked me such great introspective questions.
“How does it make you feel having these people in your life read your substack?”
”Is that a relief or does it feel like an invasion of part of you that you didn’t want seen?”
I am still processing.
What I do know is this: I don’t feel the need to shrink my writing or myself, no matter who is reading my words. That is a very powerful place to be, one that I wasn’t 6 months ago.
Processing Disruption
Yesterday, when I left work a little later than I should have, I knew I was a bit crunched for time since I had to go from my office to my home and then head to church for our PreFace group.
On my drive, I called my daughter and she asked me if I had heard about Charlie Kirk.
In the moment, I truly had no idea who she was talking about.
Once I realized who it was, she told that he had died.
That he was shot. Live.
To be very clear: I do not align with Charlie Kirk’s views. I believe he voice was rooted in hatred and fueled division and disconnection.
However, the news landed like a shockwave in my body.
I felt such a disruption and disorientation in my body that I wasn’t quite sure what to do with.
As I am on the phone with my daughter, I am getting flooded with texts from others asking if I heard about the shooting.
I asked my daughter and son to stay off their devices until I got home.
I ended up having to pull over and I got physically sick on the side of I-77.
Not the time, Not the place.
But I had to stop myself in time and be present with the weight. I couldn’t actually just move through it or past it.
I had to allow the wave to flow. I had to let myself feel what I needed to feel.
I felt so much sadness, fear, and confusion and physical illness over the loss of someone who to be clear, I stand starkly opposite of his views and tone. I also felt a wave of emotions over the inevitable impact this moment would have.
Charlie Kirk was only 31, he still was a human. Loved by his humans, his children, his wife. His loss will ripple.
When I got home, my minis and I talked openly about it for quite a while. The conversation has even spilled over into today. I believe this will be an ongoing one for a while.
None of us have seen the video and I truly hope we never do.
I will continue to be very intentional to try and not expose myself to that type of content. I have intentionally tried to explain to my minis why I believe they shouldn’t watch the video, but that I also want them to go out of their way to try and avoid it and protect themselves.
I truly believe we are not meant hold the weight of seeing that. We should be protecting our brains and our childrens brains from seeing this type of traumatic moment.
I really hope you have been able to protect your brain and your children’s brains from seeing the video, but if not.. I hope you will take offer yourself compassion.
I hope you will do nice things for your mind to provide safety after that.
This week I am being reminded that being seen is so complex. Sometimes it is affirming. Sometimes it is disorienting. Mostly though, it is teaching me to keep showing up as my authentic self.. in my writing, my work, and in my life.
I am not my past.
I am the story.
I choose to keep writing.
💌 Thank you for meeting me here, friends!
A la Luna, 🌙
Lauren 🪻🍀
🌻 Hi, Hello, Friends 🤓
I have been working on a creative little project over at [freckledlore.com]
She is a work-in-progress just like I am. I hope to meet you there. 🤓